Some Christmas Present

I arrived at work today ready to get my job done and then enjoy the rest of the holiday weekend with my family. (Ok, I'll admit, I was kinda hoping for a Christmas bonus tucked into my check, too.) What I got instead was this:

Dear Maria,
Due to economic reasons, we will no longer be needing your services as of January 1st, 2008. Thank you for your faithfulness.
Management,
T*** & T***

I am so angry & upset right now, I'm nauseous. So it's three days before Christmas and I have 1 paycheck left. At least this time they had the courtesy to address my termination letter to me. Yeah, that's right, last time my mom got the letter at her house?!?! Yup, this very same company let me go 4 weeks after Audrey was born, for supposedly the very same reason- bad times, no money.... The last time, we STRUGGLED for 17 months until they asked me to come back 2 weeks after Lexi was born. Struggled as in I emptied the kids' piggy banks to make 1 house payment, had a huge garage sale to make another, & finally put our house up for sale in the hopes that we would sell it before the bank took it from us. Yeah, that kind of struggle. So when they asked me to come back last year, I jumped at the chance. And a year and 3 months later we're still trying to dig ourselves out of the financial pit my last stint of unemployment threw us in.

The logical solution would be for me to get another job. Duh!!! I'm sure Tom's thinking why don't you actually get a teaching job and put your $60,000+ college education to good use? Good question, but I just don't want to. At least not now, while my kids are still so young. I just want to be a mom. I completely believe that God gives His children the desires of their hearts and being a SAHM is my biggest desire. I made $50/ hour cleaning but the best part was that I could work around my family's schedule so as long as the store was cleaned by Monday morning. Tom stayed home with the kids while I cleaned so we didn't have to fork over money for a babysitter either. I usually cleaned on Friday nites, so then I could enjoy the rest of the weekend with the fam. Yeah, I've just been too spoiled with this job and I know how great it was so I really tried hard not to take it for granted. Sure, it sucks cleaning late at nite, alone in a dark store, hurting so bad from mopping on my hands and knees for over 2 hours that I can hardly walk by the time I'm done, but it provided for my family. Enough so, so that I didn't have to take on anything else to make ends meet.

So now what?! My mom says God has something bigger and better waiting for me and it was just time to move on. I truly believe her, but do you know how hard it is to trust God when you're a control freak like me? The neat thing about being out of work the last time was that even though I had to steal from the kids' piggy banks and have a garage sale and go without this or that, God always provided. Always. He is so faithful even when I'm not because I'm so consumed with worry. Not once were we not able to make a payment on time. Sure, there was the time I was in the bank 15 minutes before closing time counting pennies to make our house payment, but I made it, and on time nonetheless. Once again our financial situation is completely out of my hands and I find myself already freaking out. Why is it so easy to always forget how faithful God is? Anyways, if you happen to think about me and my family please pray that I will have faith for God to see us through, that I will trust God for His provisions, and that we will use what money we do have wisely.

Thanks, everyone, for letting me vent. This is probably, and hopefully, the most honest and open post I'll ever write. And guess what? Just typing it all out was totally therapeutic. I already feel better.